there’s something about hospital lights and how they make everything seem traslucent and unreal and i swear i don’t remember anything, but the feeling of unreality. you can’t be gone. no. things like that don’t really happen. not in real life anyway.
i should have bought that black dress we saw when we we went to the pier. the one i have is too sexy. and you’re not around to tell me - there’s no such thing.
i hate funerals. you’re not here to hold my hand. why did they close the casket? i wish i could see your face.
my mother tells me i should eat something.
is alcohol food?
i haven’t slept in three days. i don’t want to ruin the smell of our bed. it still smells like you. like us.
my mother washed the sheets while i was asleep on the couch. i kicked her out. i miss you. no, i don’t want to call her. yes, i will.
the guy at the coffee shop asked me where you were today. i said you were on a trip, coming back in a week. it didn’t feel like a lie.
our lease is almost up. i don’t know what to do. i can’t think.
i’m keeping the apartment.
i’m moving out.
i can’t move out. it’s our apartment.
i extended the lease. no name on it. it feels wrong. all of this feels wrong. come back.
it’s been a month. i called your mother. she cried. your dad said to stop calling for a while.
your parents want your things back.
i can’t bring myself to empty your side of the closet.
your shirts still smell like you.
my therapist said to stop texting you. apparently it’s bad for me. i told her you dying was pretty crappy. she didn’t think it was funny. maybe i’m losing it.
i still miss you every day.
500 days of summer came out. i don’t want to watch it without you.
i watched it. you would have hated it.
i hate christmas.
i’m hungover. i miss you. i can’t stop crying. my head hurts.
i met someone. i hate that i like him. i hate that he makes me laugh. i hate that you’d think he’s a great guy.
we had sex. i cried after.
he found a photo of us. said it’s about time i move on. we broke up.
i still miss you. i don’t miss him. but you’re not here.
i got a haircut. i hate it. i look like a chipmunk.
maybe it’s not that bad. it works from some angles.
happy anniversary baby.
i’m a mess. i hate you for leaving me like this.
i don’t hate you. i’m sorry. i love you. i miss you.
i quit. i hated that place anyway.
i asked for my job back. it wasn’t so bad.
i spent the whole day on your bench. now i understand why families make them.
i’m moving out.
i’m moving in with him. i’m sorry.
i still miss you, but sometimes i forget.
number disconnectedm.v., 500 days of grief. (via findingwordsforthoughts)
do you ever get in one of those moods where you’re like feeling okay but you’re really sad at the same time and you just want to talk to someone and make them hug you but you feel annoying so you kind of just sit there being really sad
i secretly like getting assigned seats in school because it takes away that awkward “i have no friends in this class where the fuck am i gonna sit” factor
I know I probably don’t cross your mind much anymore but I hope someday you see something that reminds you of me and the things we use to spend hours talking about at night and then your throat gets tight and your heart skips a beat and you finally miss me back.
I miss you so much (via missinyouiskillingme)